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Junction Street Demos

by Eric Kuhlmann

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1.
Newcastle 04:15
I'm going to Newcastle I'll find a coal miner I'll make him steak and chips He'll find me shiny things Friday arvo down the local He'll win forty dollars on the keno I'll win thirty seven coming third In the karaoke competition We'll have dinner in the bistro He'll have steak and chips I'll have chicken schnitzel We'll drink expensive beer imported all the way from Adelaide Saturday Down at Marathon Perving on Andrew Johns Together Sunday I'll nappy san his safety vest Change the bedroom sheets Then we'll mess them up again together I'm going to Newcastle To be with my coal miner He'll find me shiny things He'll find me shiny things been buried in the ground For millennia and I'll brew him bubbly things These days They call it Energy Australia Stadium But we're still perving on Andrew Johns together I'm going to Newcastle I'm going to Newcastle I'm going to Newcastle Newcastle Newcastle
2.
Let’s kiss like Eskimos Tongue to tongue and toes to toes Eye to eye and nose to nose Let everybody know We kiss like Eskimos Let’s dance like anarchy Helicopter arms on a trampoline We don’t give a fuck about stuck up queens But we’ll fuck up their dance routines When we dance like anarchy Let’s drink like breweries Invincible like Hercules Pissing in to the breeze We won’t say no to sleaze We drink like breweries Let’s smoke like factories The finest buds from the seven seas Buzzing like a swarm of bees Crossing astro physical boundaries We smoke like factories Let's do it Let's do it Let's do it Let's do it Let's fuck like rabid dogs All night 'till we're covered in sprog Hot and hard we can do no wrong Going at it all night long We fuck like rabid dogs Let's laugh like laughing gas Tell jokes that are really crass Tell them loud from the back of the bus Make that horny driver notice us We laugh like laughing gas Let's sleep like paper planes Never land twice the same Wake up new again No need to explain We sleep like paper planes Let's dream like old cartoons Crazy colours and loony tunes The cat and the tweetie and the fork and spoon The cow jumps over the moon We dream like old cartoons Let's do it Let's do it Let's do it Let's do it Let's Let's Let's fall in love Let's kiss like Eskimos Let's kiss like Eskimos Let's kiss like Eskimos Let's kiss like Eskimos...
3.
Bif 03:51
Took a train to Texas All the way from Australia Saw sheep, then fish, then cows I skulled tecquila With the cast of Dallas JR tried to stick his dick in my mouth I was surviving On hot dogs and chille Got arrested for sneezing into the flag But it wasn't my fault That it was spring time And my hay fever was really bad In jail I met a guy called Bif Who was in for holding up a tupperware party But it wasn't his fault They wouldn't believe him That the buses were running late that day He was a tattooed afro american Half korean half mexican half iraqi half irish Steroid ingesting pagan buddhist from Nevada Who never hurt a fly He was a tattooed afro american Half korean half mexican half iraqi half irish Steroid ingesting pagan buddhist from Nevada With a third ear that the aliens wacked on Right between his eyes We decided to escape We'd dig a hole to China But we took a wrong turn Somewhere left of Cuba And ended up back in Australia Bif got arrested For not covering all his ears When a bad cop called him nigger The poor bugger He had three ears But he only ever had two hands He was a tattooed afro american Half korean half mexican half iraqi half irish Steroid ingesting pagan buddhist from Nevada But he went quietly He was deaf in his third ear
4.
Girl 03:03
In to the garden nice and green With only me and my Vaseline And my dreams of you I’d be a girl for you I’m saving my money for the operation Not even buying food, I’m approaching starvation So that I can be A skinny pretty girl for you Like the ones in the magazines All those skeletal beauty queens In the magazines Waxed steroid boys and skeletal beauty queens Now they’ve cut off my dick And I wear a dress And if you never ask me then you’ll never guess I once was a boy But I became a girl for you For you In to the garden nice and green With only me and my naughty magazine And my dreams of you I cut off my dick for you But then you told me that you didn’t like girls in that way Why did you wait to tell me that you were gay If only you’d told me before I had the surgery That you weren’t afraid of a little bit of buggery So I cried for a while But then my tears became a smile I had a plan You could be a girl for me And we’ll be happy lesbian lovers You and me happy lesbian lovers We’ll get motorbikes and cruise the country side You and me we’ll be happy lesbian lovers Yeah we’ll be happy lesbian lovers You and me happy lesbian lovers We’ll get labradors and always wear overalls You and me we’ll be happy lesbian lovers You and me
5.
Sometimes it’s hard to be positive about being positive that I’m positively infatuated by you Sometimes it’s easier to be negative about being positive that if we met I wouldn’t know what to do Just like those nights when I disappear in the shadows of the mirror balls and UV lights and try as I might I just can’t find any words to say, my stomach’s on a roller coaster and my brain has gone on holiday I’d rather talk with you letter by letter Keystroke by keystroke, comma by comma From within my room, safer is better Go out on the scene? I just don’t wanna Here in my cocoon, safer is better But shit – it would be nice if we could be together Some days the phone seems like a landmine that will explode if I pick it up, obliterating everything and everyone I stare at your number endlessly and I see patterns in the digits that would make Einstein cum But I’d rather talk with you letter by letter Keystroke by keystroke, comma by comma Safe in the arms of my binary coded barrier Fire walled and virus checked – never been happier Here in my room – safer is better Go out on the scene – why would I bother? Here in my cocoon, safer is better But shit – it would be nice if we could get together
6.
When he falls asleep on your arm And your arm falls asleep And you'd rather not wake him up To wake your arm up It's a beautiful thing When he snores and his snoring Is like a symphony And you'd rather leave his nostrils singing Than get some sleep It's a beautiful thing Traffic lights chuckle and street lights strobe When we're together V8's make love to the road And the sun smiles despite the weather Semi trailers purr like arching cats Boats strain at their tether And we'll have fun while we're having fun 'Cause nothing lasts forever Not even a beautiful thing Not even a beautiful thing When he shrooms and his shrooming Spores the universe And you'd rather sing another chorus Than make up another verse When he yodels And his yodels wake the nightmare sleep And you'd rather jump on his back Than fall in a heap It's a beautiful thing Traffic lights chuckle and street lights strobe When we're together V8's make love to the road And the sun smiles despite the weather Semi trailers purr like arching cats Boats strain at their tether And we'll have fun while we're having fun 'Cause nothing lasts forever Nothing lasts forever Nothing lasts forever Nothing lasts forever Nothing lasts forever...
7.
8.
I'm using any excuse, any excuse will do Any excuse, any excuse to get a-way from you 'Cause I don't want to admit I don't want to admit it but it's true I don't want to ad-mit that I found somebody new Somebody who is not you I'm finding any excuse, any excuse will do Any excuse to pick a fight with you Any pretext, any pretext will do To criticize anything that you do 'Cause I don't want to admit I don't want to admit it but it's true That I fell in love with somebody who isn't you Yeah, I fell in love with somebody who isn't you I never thought it would come to this I never knew I could be such a bitch But he grabbed me one night And didn't let go 'til the lunch time light We had break fast at one In some over priced yuppie cafe I never lost my smile Even when it came time to pay I'm using any excuse, any excuse will do Any excuse, any excuse to get away from you 'Cause I don't want to admit I don't want to admit it but it's true I don't want to admit that I found somebody new Somebody who is not you I'm finding any excuse, any excuse will do Any excuse to pick a fight with you Any pretext, any pretext will do To criticize any thing that you do 'Cause I don't want to ad-mit I don't want to admit it but it's true That I fell in love with somebody who isn't you Yeah, I fell in love with somebody who isn't you
9.
Robot 03:16
Locked away in his house with no phone He's building a robot from sticks and stones He spent years on the program And drawing the plans And now that he's built it it looks mighty grand With a crown of thorns And hair of stringy bark And five infra ruby eyes to see in the dark He'll take the robot out and turn it on And it'll come to life with a dance and a song And plant him some asparagus And water his potatos Clean his house and milk his cow And sit with him at dinner time And give him conversation Agree with his philosophies Then do the fucking dishes All his life he been building a robot Today is the day Today is the day All his life he been building a robot Today is the day Today's the bloody day Now the villagers have gathered to see him outside It's years since they seen him They all thought he died He takes the robot out and he turns it on But it doesn't walk or talk It doesn't even fall over And the villagers are laughing As he shakes an angry fist And pleads with what looks like a pile of stones and sticks All his life he thought he was building a robot But a pile of sticks and stones A pile of sticks and stones All his life he thought he was building a robot But a pile of sticks and stones A pile of sticks and stones A pile of sticks and stones Was all That he got

about

Songs recorded while living at Junction St in Adelaide, 2002-2007.

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released March 12, 2008

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Eric Kuhlmann Adelaide, Australia

Queer bear punk singer/songwriter from Adelaide, Australia.

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