1. |
Newcastle
04:15
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I'm going to Newcastle
I'll find a coal miner
I'll make him steak and chips
He'll find me shiny things
Friday arvo down the local
He'll win forty dollars on the keno
I'll win thirty seven coming third
In the karaoke competition
We'll have dinner in the bistro
He'll have steak and chips
I'll have chicken schnitzel
We'll drink expensive beer imported all the way from Adelaide
Saturday
Down at Marathon
Perving on Andrew Johns
Together
Sunday
I'll nappy san his safety vest
Change the bedroom sheets
Then we'll mess them up again together
I'm going to Newcastle
To be with my coal miner
He'll find me shiny things
He'll find me shiny things been buried in the ground
For millennia and I'll brew him bubbly things
These days
They call it Energy Australia Stadium
But we're still perving on
Andrew Johns together
I'm going to Newcastle
I'm going to Newcastle
I'm going to Newcastle
Newcastle
Newcastle
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2. |
Let's Kiss Like Eskimos
04:00
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Let’s kiss like Eskimos
Tongue to tongue and toes to toes
Eye to eye and nose to nose
Let everybody know
We kiss like Eskimos
Let’s dance like anarchy
Helicopter arms on a trampoline
We don’t give a fuck about stuck up queens
But we’ll fuck up their dance routines
When we dance like anarchy
Let’s drink like breweries
Invincible like Hercules
Pissing in to the breeze
We won’t say no to sleaze
We drink like breweries
Let’s smoke like factories
The finest buds from the seven seas
Buzzing like a swarm of bees
Crossing astro physical boundaries
We smoke like factories
Let's do it
Let's do it
Let's do it
Let's do it
Let's fuck like rabid dogs
All night 'till we're covered in sprog
Hot and hard we can do no wrong
Going at it all night long
We fuck like rabid dogs
Let's laugh like laughing gas
Tell jokes that are really crass
Tell them loud from the back of the bus
Make that horny driver notice us
We laugh like laughing gas
Let's sleep like paper planes
Never land twice the same
Wake up new again
No need to explain
We sleep like paper planes
Let's dream like old cartoons
Crazy colours and loony tunes
The cat and the tweetie and the fork and spoon
The cow jumps over the moon
We dream like old cartoons
Let's do it
Let's do it
Let's do it
Let's do it
Let's
Let's
Let's fall in love
Let's kiss like Eskimos
Let's kiss like Eskimos
Let's kiss like Eskimos
Let's kiss like Eskimos...
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3. |
Bif
03:51
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Took a train to Texas
All the way from Australia
Saw sheep, then fish, then cows
I skulled tecquila
With the cast of Dallas
JR tried to stick his dick in my mouth
I was surviving
On hot dogs and chille
Got arrested for sneezing into the flag
But it wasn't my fault
That it was spring time
And my hay fever was really bad
In jail I met a guy called Bif
Who was in for holding up a tupperware party
But it wasn't his fault
They wouldn't believe him
That the buses were running late that day
He was a tattooed afro american
Half korean half mexican half iraqi half irish
Steroid ingesting pagan buddhist from Nevada
Who never hurt a fly
He was a tattooed afro american
Half korean half mexican half iraqi half irish
Steroid ingesting pagan buddhist from Nevada
With a third ear that the aliens wacked on
Right between his eyes
We decided to escape
We'd dig a hole to China
But we took a wrong turn
Somewhere left of Cuba
And ended up back in Australia
Bif got arrested
For not covering all his ears
When a bad cop called him nigger
The poor bugger
He had three ears
But he only ever had two hands
He was a tattooed afro american
Half korean half mexican half iraqi half irish
Steroid ingesting pagan buddhist from Nevada
But he went quietly
He was deaf in his third ear
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4. |
Girl
03:03
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In to the garden nice and green
With only me and my Vaseline
And my dreams of you
I’d be a girl for you
I’m saving my money for the operation
Not even buying food, I’m approaching starvation
So that I can be
A skinny pretty girl for you
Like the ones in the magazines
All those skeletal beauty queens
In the magazines
Waxed steroid boys and skeletal beauty queens
Now they’ve cut off my dick
And I wear a dress
And if you never ask me then you’ll never guess
I once was a boy
But I became a girl for you
For you
In to the garden nice and green
With only me and my naughty magazine
And my dreams of you
I cut off my dick for you
But then you told me that you didn’t like girls in that way
Why did you wait to tell me that you were gay
If only you’d told me before I had the surgery
That you weren’t afraid of a little bit of buggery
So I cried for a while
But then my tears became a smile
I had a plan
You could be a girl for me
And we’ll be happy lesbian lovers
You and me happy lesbian lovers
We’ll get motorbikes and cruise the country side
You and me we’ll be happy lesbian lovers
Yeah we’ll be happy lesbian lovers
You and me happy lesbian lovers
We’ll get labradors and always wear overalls
You and me we’ll be happy lesbian lovers
You and me
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5. |
Positively Positive
02:43
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Sometimes it’s hard to be positive
about being positive
that I’m positively infatuated by you
Sometimes it’s easier to be negative
about being positive that if we met
I wouldn’t know what to do
Just like those nights when I disappear
in the shadows of the mirror balls and UV lights
and try as I might
I just can’t find any words to say,
my stomach’s on a roller coaster and my brain
has gone on holiday
I’d rather talk with you letter by letter
Keystroke by keystroke, comma by comma
From within my room, safer is better
Go out on the scene? I just don’t wanna
Here in my cocoon, safer is better
But shit – it would be nice if we could be together
Some days the phone seems like a landmine
that will explode if I pick it up,
obliterating everything and everyone
I stare at your number endlessly
and I see patterns in the digits
that would make Einstein cum
But I’d rather talk with you letter by letter
Keystroke by keystroke, comma by comma
Safe in the arms of my binary coded barrier
Fire walled and virus checked – never been happier
Here in my room – safer is better
Go out on the scene – why would I bother?
Here in my cocoon, safer is better
But shit – it would be nice if we could get together
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6. |
Beautiful Thing
03:31
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When he falls asleep on your arm
And your arm falls asleep
And you'd rather not wake him up
To wake your arm up
It's a beautiful thing
When he snores and his snoring
Is like a symphony
And you'd rather leave his nostrils singing
Than get some sleep
It's a beautiful thing
Traffic lights chuckle and street lights strobe
When we're together
V8's make love to the road
And the sun smiles despite the weather
Semi trailers purr like arching cats
Boats strain at their tether
And we'll have fun while we're having fun
'Cause nothing lasts forever
Not even a beautiful thing
Not even a beautiful thing
When he shrooms and his shrooming
Spores the universe
And you'd rather sing another chorus
Than make up another verse
When he yodels
And his yodels wake the nightmare sleep
And you'd rather jump on his back
Than fall in a heap
It's a beautiful thing
Traffic lights chuckle and street lights strobe
When we're together
V8's make love to the road
And the sun smiles despite the weather
Semi trailers purr like arching cats
Boats strain at their tether
And we'll have fun while we're having fun
'Cause nothing lasts forever
Nothing lasts forever
Nothing lasts forever
Nothing lasts forever
Nothing lasts forever...
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7. |
Forever Waiting
03:53
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8. |
Any Excuse Will Do
03:19
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I'm using any excuse, any excuse will do
Any excuse, any excuse to get a-way from you
'Cause I don't want to admit
I don't want to admit it but it's true
I don't want to ad-mit that I found somebody new
Somebody who is not you
I'm finding any excuse, any excuse will do
Any excuse to pick a fight with you
Any pretext, any pretext will do
To criticize anything that you do
'Cause I don't want to admit
I don't want to admit it but it's true
That I fell in love with somebody who isn't you
Yeah, I fell in love with somebody who isn't you
I never thought it would come to this
I never knew I could be such a bitch
But he grabbed me one night
And didn't let go 'til the lunch time light
We had break fast at one
In some over priced yuppie cafe
I never lost my smile
Even when it came time to pay
I'm using any excuse, any excuse will do
Any excuse, any excuse to get away from you
'Cause I don't want to admit
I don't want to admit it but it's true
I don't want to admit that I found somebody new
Somebody who is not you
I'm finding any excuse, any excuse will do
Any excuse to pick a fight with you
Any pretext, any pretext will do
To criticize any thing that you do
'Cause I don't want to ad-mit
I don't want to admit it but it's true
That I fell in love with somebody who isn't you
Yeah, I fell in love with somebody who isn't you
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9. |
Robot
03:16
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Locked away in his house with no phone
He's building a robot from sticks and stones
He spent years on the program
And drawing the plans
And now that he's built it it looks mighty grand
With a crown of thorns
And hair of stringy bark
And five infra ruby eyes to see in the dark
He'll take the robot out and turn it on
And it'll come to life with a dance and a song
And plant him some asparagus
And water his potatos
Clean his house and milk his cow
And sit with him at dinner time
And give him conversation
Agree with his philosophies
Then do the fucking dishes
All his life he been building a robot
Today is the day
Today is the day
All his life he been building a robot
Today is the day
Today's the bloody day
Now the villagers have gathered to see him outside
It's years since they seen him
They all thought he died
He takes the robot out and he turns it on
But it doesn't walk or talk
It doesn't even fall over
And the villagers are laughing
As he shakes an angry fist
And pleads with what looks like a pile of stones and sticks
All his life he thought he was building a robot
But a pile of sticks and stones
A pile of sticks and stones
All his life he thought he was building a robot
But a pile of sticks and stones
A pile of sticks and stones
A pile of sticks and stones
Was all
That he got
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Eric Kuhlmann Adelaide, Australia
Queer bear punk singer/songwriter from Adelaide, Australia.
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